Here it is, the eve of another Lenten season...another year of good intentions, another year of wanting Lent to be significant, another year of setting myself up for failure with my expectations...seriously, will I never learn?

Lent is not about me finding significance...it is not about me feeling good about myself for showing self-control...Lent is not about going through the motions of a religious exercise to say that I did it... 

Lent is the chance to slow down, to savor life, to see God at work in the everyday...Lent is the chance to make a small sacrifice, to learn to be a little more like Jesus, to be acutely aware of my need for a Savior.  

Lent can be a time to draw near to God, to fall in love with Him all over again, to share Him with those around me.  Lent--a time to realize my sinfulness and weaknesses and to be grateful for the redemption God offers.

So, this year, I am filled with the anticipation of living out a love story...

Lord, help me not to just go through the motions of living...help me to indulge in your love and your grace...and help me to grow through this discipline of Lent...

I realized today that I tend to judge the "younger generation" when it comes to maturity and spirituality.  That thing that drove me crazy when I was younger has come to roost in my attitude of late.  I'm not proud of it.  I don't think it's called for.  But I am aware I do it, and I do want to talk about it.

I think there are two main reasons (notice I do not say excuses) I do this.  First, because I did have it rough as a teen, being expected to "be the mom" for my siblings.  I was an Honors student. I played a sport.  I held down a part-time job.  And I had a boyfriend.  I paid for my car, my insurance, and my college classes.  I also bought my own clothes.  

I tend to see today's young people as coddled, kids whose parents do so much for them.  But being a young person today is intense.  Morals and values are not nearly as clear as they used to be. Everything moves so quickly.  Information is thrown at them constantly.  Travel sports, music lessons, and gifted classes are "must dos" now in order to be "competitive" in life.  The pressure is turned up.  This requires a type of maturity, too.  Balancing the demands of life in the 21st century requires sophistication (and diplomacy in a lot of instances).  Just taking a stand for beliefs in today's culture takes immense grace.  

I still believe that today's young people need more "hand's on practical" skills and today's parents need to back off and let their kids take some risks while the stakes are still low.  But they don't need to replicate my experience to be mature.  Why would I wish that on someone?  Do I wear my struggles like a badge to be reckoned with?  Do I think my struggles count more than someone else's?  

With a closer look I see great maturity in the young people around me.  They are encouragers, entrepreneurs, and have an out-of-the-box view of life.  Even in my own home I see maturity.  My children, who have found ways to earn money since junior high, pay their own expenses.  They know how to do so much around the house.  They know how to manage bank accounts, emails, itunes, and ebooks.  They've managed college classes while still in high school, and they've taken on leadership roles of various types.  They talk more openly about struggles and dreams than I ever did, and they seem more comfortable with who God made them to be at their young ages than I was until age forty.  

Lord, help me to see the potential and gifts you have given to the young people around me, and please strengthen them for the journeys ahead...

This has been an amazing week, really.  The second hotel was just as amazing as the first, having a window seat and a chaise (both of which I've always wanted in my bedroom), and the staff worked as a fined-tuned team, smoothly anticipating guests needs.  We received a birthday card for my hubby accompanied by cake and champagne to help us celebrate.  We have been welcomed back each time we re-enter the hotel.  And tonight an employee noticed that we brought take-out food back to the hotel and called right away to get us place settings sent to our room.  It was a good choice of hotel...expensive but worth it.

We have done fun things in the city, too.  We went on the Architectural Boat Tour, walked the Magnificent Mile (where I found a very cute and inexpensive bag at H&M), went to Navy Pier, tried new restaurants (McCormick and Schmicks, La Madia, South Water Kitchen), made a quick visit to Garrett's and cooled ourselves during the massive heat with Starbucks and Jamba Juice.  We have learned that the downtown part of the city is not all that spread out, and we ran into two families we knew.

I will remember those experiences.  But there are things that touched me even more.  Glen and I cuddled in the window seat at night and watched the city life around us.  Glen and I began reading a book on rebuilding ADHD marriages.  I bought him his own copy and saved it for our trip, asking him if we could read it together each night.  He wasn't thrilled but agreed and it has sparked some really good conversations.  And Glen had some good insights.  I am hopeful.  Truly.  

I gelled with the city.  I sat in the window seat several times a day...feeling the city...enjoying its beauty.  When we walked I would slow Glen down so we could meander, taking in the culture, the atmosphere...I loved being near the river; it was calming...I loved the hustle and bustle...it was like it called to me, "Come be a part of it!"  I felt rejuvenated.  This morning at 6:30 I was awake...I opened the curtains to the window seat and the empty sunlit streets beckoned me for a morning walk/run...I went all the way to the Shedd...I felt a kindred connection with the lake shore community of morning exercisers...I soaked in the scenery along the lake...it was so beautiful to me, I couldn't not praise God for it...I had goosebumps from the privilege of this time away, to be allowed to experience the beauty, calm, and fun of seeing the city before it awakened.   

So, what now?  I want to go home a different person than when I left.  I want to have a better focus and more appropriate priorities.  I want to keep my children in their appropriate place in my life.  I want to get some coaching for my running.  I want to see God in my everyday; I want to see the beauty He puts in my life.  I want to be motivated to be healthy and disciplined.  I want to remember the homeless and down-and-out who I rubbed elbows with these past three days.  I want to grow in compassion for the lonely, lost, and hurting.  I want to worship extravagantly and give with cheer.  I want to function with purpose and passion.

Please, Lord, show Your will and Your ways for me... 

Here I am.  Meeting with God.  In very not-so-everyday surroundings.  At first I was in awe of the beauty, excited for this opportunity.  Then I became uncomfortable with the frivolity of it all.  So, I tried to do what I do best...put rules on the situation.  Because I've been making breaks with my legalistic side, the absurdity of it all quickly became apparent.  I still could not decompress, however...don't I have to be doing something?  Not so, contends my Maker.

What is this all about?  I am away.  On vacation.  Celebrating life with my husband.  For the first time since our honeymoon eighteen years ago.  We planned for this trip.  We budgeted for this trip.  We looked forward to this trip.  And now, it is here.  And it is wonderful.  Can I tell you just how wonderful it is?  Our day started with books arriving in the mail...need I say anymore?  Then I got a pedicure and we had a leisurely lunch.  We arrived at our hotel and I was surprised at the beauty around me.  The hotel, the room, the scenery--it is all beautiful.  I have spent the better part of the last three hours on our deck overlooking the golf course (where my husband is currently), reading An American Childhood by Annie Dillard and snacking away.

Sounds simple, right?  Should be...or should it?  It feels frivolous...but the quiet, the solitude, the refreshing connection with nature...it feeds me.  The breeze that blows through my hair and ruffles the pages of my book comforts me.  The stillness, not having constant demands, gives me mental space.  And still it took me time to down-shift into pleasure-reading mode...I think I read the prologue three times before I felt drawn in...I even dozed briefly...I took pictures of the surroundings...and imagine my surprise when there was a knock on the door and I received a beautiful gift of champagne and strawberries...very Pretty Woman-esque...

The dichotomy of this situation does not escape me, though...today, a friend goes to chemotherapy...today, I have two friends recovering from surgery...today, a friend of mine delivers her daughter to the Naval Academy to begin her training...today, there are people who are hungry, lonely, lost, homeless, and hurting...and through this experience I actually feel deeper about those people and their situations than when I am consumed by my own crazy, chaotic life.